She's not smiling because of the internet...

My daughter loves iCarly. For those of you without young children, iCarly is a sitcom on Nickelodeon about three middle-schoolers who create and webcast their own show on the internet. The webcast is extremely popular, and it gets them into all sorts of hijinks. How popular? In one recent episode, a Howard Hughes-ish billionaire invites the kids from iCarly to travel into space and do their web show in orbit.

Now that you’re up to speed on what my preschooler watches, let me whiplash segue to the WGA.

For a while now, the WGAw has been deeply enamored of New Media. Part of its interest has centered around proper residuals formula for the creation and exploitation of works by the companies. That’s largely what we struck over.

However, it’s just as fascinated with the creation of independent internet content by WGA members. At first blush, it all makes sense. Writers have always (and properly) insisted that we are the prime originators of motion picture entertainment. Why shouldn’t the WGA promote a brave new world in which WGA members own their own product…a world that eliminates the need for the rapacious companies? The internet kills the middle man! The stronger we are on the internet, the weaker the companies’ hand is during negotiations.

These are all reasons why, for instance, the WGA has taken a position in favor of net neutrality; the union wants to make sure there’s an even playing field for its own members as they create the new Foxes and Warner Brothers of the great cyber future.

There’s just one problem with all of that.

We don’t need the WGA to help us put material on the internet any more than we need the companies. That’s the point of the internet. Middlemen be damned. If I have an idea for a great web show, and I get it on the internet, and it becomes a real life iCarly that people visit in droves, then I certainly don’t require the assistance of a labor union. The WGA exists to represent employees of a cartel, for lack of a better word.

And, of course, the folks running the union understand this. So why all this evangelism of “stop being an employee” from an institution that does nothing but service the needs of employees?

Resentment.

Sometimes, the WGA goes after the companies because it wants more for its members. Thank God it does. Credit determination, residuals, health care, pension, creative rights, separated rights, minimums, parity in advertising…these are just a few of the benefits we enjoy because the union (i.e. leadership and membership together) did its job and did it well.

Sometimes, however (and more and more since 2005), the WGA goes after the companies because it just presumes that “if it’s bad for the companies, it’s good for us.”

Usually that’s true. But not always. And not this time.

It’s fun to promote a vision of the future where sisters are doin’ it for themselves. “Screw the fat cats! We don’t need them anymore!” is a great chunk of red meat to throw to a group of people who are understandably aggrieved. Unfortunately, and perhaps counterintuitively, we’re probably just making things worse.

How? Well, consider the paradox of iCarly. It’s a show about a really, really popular internet webcast. That part, of course, is an absurd bit of fiction. There is no such thing as an independent variety show on the web as popular as iCarly is implied to be. There are blogs like this one, there are podcasts that occasionally light up in exciting ways (Kevin Smith of late), but an actual show that people watch episodes of for entertainment? The web just isn’t very good at that kind of persistent viewing experience. It’s great for sketches, bits, one-offs…but a show with consistent characters working over the course of multiple episodes, season after season?

Not really. There have been some (I enjoyed Red vs. Blue for a while), but did any of them actually make it out there in the way that a hit TV show does?

And there’s the paradox. iCarly, a show about the cutting edge world of cyberentertainment, is actually incredibly old school. It’s a half-hour sitcom. Running on a cable network.

And because it’s a sitcom running on a cable network, it is vastly…and I mean VASTLY…more popular than any webcast out there.

As exciting and empowering as the web suggests it can be, there’s still no real money out there for us. It’s not like people haven’t tried, but the exceptions seem to prove the rule. Dr. Horrible was an internet hit and pretty much the best thing anyone’s done for the web (IMHO), but any given episode of Buffy was probably seen by more people.

Remember Strike TV? Well, that was WGAers doin’ it for themselves…but the bright future seems to still be in the future.

The lesson of iCarly is simple, to me. The idea of internet programming is cool and interesting and fresh. The reality is that traditional programming still dominates the culture. It’s fine for the WGA to find and use wedges against the companies, but let’s not shoot ourselves in the foot. iCarly, which I believe is covered under the guild, generates so much more for its writers than any web show ever has.

So shouldn’t we be concerned primarily with protecting the actual writers of iCarly, as opposed to the theoretical writers of internet shows like the one portrayed on iCarly?

If net neutrality reduces the companies’ ability to monetize their programming on the internet, it reduces the basis upon which we draw residuals from internet reuse…which was the thing we all struck over back in ’07/’08. Is that really what we want?

When it comes to negotiating the formula, what’s good for us is bad for them. It’s a purely adversarial relationship that must be negotiated, and occasionally resolved on the field of battle.

But when it comes to protecting the revenue on which those formulas apply…what’s good for us is what’s good for them, and we can’t let our resentment get in the way of that.

I love the internet (obviously). Still, the WGA needs to carefully evaluate its approach to New Media. The kids on iCarly are actors, and their webcast is make-believe.

But the men and women sitting in a room writing the cable program about that make-believe?

They’re real. They’re employees. They’re supporting our membership with real dues and real P&H contributions.

And they should come first.