Windows On A Mac
Thanks, Parallels!I was going to write this week’s essay about screenwriting analogies (you know, “It’s a blueprint!” or “It’s a roadmap” or “It’s a rough guideline!”), but I got a bit sidetracked.
See, I’ve been a Mac user my whole life, ever since my first Apple IIe clone back in ‘82 (the Franklin Ace 1000, to be exact…a computer that cost my poor dad $1400 back then…a computer I bought on eBay a few years ago for exactly one dollar), but every now and then, you find yourself stuck needing a Wintel machine. It’s not the way it used to be, where software offerings for Mac were seriously impoverished. There’s practically nothing you can’t get for the Mac nowadays, but it’s that “practically” part that still bugs every now and again.
A few years ago, feeling the need for a Wintel escape hatch for those occasional non-Mac apps (like that stupid Clifford The Big Red Dog Teaches Your Kid How To Read! game), I bought an IBM ThinkPad.
I hate everything about that machine.
Well…not everything. I am a bit fond of the little track nubbin (perhaps because it’s clitoral), but that’s about it. The case is plasticky and shoddy, the screen is horrendous, the drive is about as quiet as a VW bus going up hill, the key feel is cheap and clacky, the sound is dismal, there’s no firewire input, the CD tray is a half a foot-pound away from snapping off at any given moment, and even the power supply is bulky and ugly.
Other than that…
I didn’t mind Windows XP Pro so much, to be honest. It’s a decent system, although it comes up terribly short compared to the latest versions of OS X. Spotlight runs circles around the poky “cute li’l doggy” search function in XP, the Windows Explorer app is ugly and diminished compared to the Finder, and the entire look and feel of XP is very much…well…I want to say 90’s, but that’s almost being generous.
Even worse, any time XP had to do something on a root level (like install certain apps, reboot, upgrade some system software or run a diagnostic), it showed its true, clunky colors. Suddenly, I would find myself looking at fonts from 1983, jagged edges and all, while graphics drawing from a vast palette of about 16 colors blocked and flashed their way across my screen like the images from some awful BASIC program I wrote on my Atari 400 in 1981 (saved on cassette tape drive, natch). The overall effect was like paying for a high-class hooker, getting a low-rent one, and then watching horrified as she removed her wig, glass eye and fake leg.
Plus, if you have sex with her, you will absolutely get a virus, followed by worms, followed by a Trojan Horse humping you from behind.
Yeah, I’m not a Windows fan.
Maybe that’s why I balked at the notion of replacing my aging ThinkPad with a new one. I just hate the idea of spending more money on hardware that exists only to drive software I don’t even like that much.
Enter Parallels.
Because my MacBook Pro is powered by an Intel Processor, it should theoretically be easy to run Wintel apps, right? Well, sort of. I flirted with some apps that promised to run individual Wintel programs within the Mac OS, but they were pretty kludgy. Didn’t have much success with Crossover, for instance.
Parallels, however, works differently. Parallels doesn’t actually run the Wintel apps; rather, it works as a bridge between OS X and a separate installation of a Windows OS that you put on your Mac.
And so, off I went to purchase a copy of Windows Vista to see if this Parallels thing would work. First thing about Vista is this: hey, Microsoft…you still SUCK at packaging. You’d think getting mocked by your own design department would be enough of a sign, but apparently not. Opening the Vista container was slightly harder than convincing my very Catholic girlfriend in 11th grade to give up her virginity. Of course, the fact that they slapped a huge piece of cellophane tape over the “Certificate of Authenticity” didn’t help—in order to open the package, I had to basically shred the certificate, so here’s hoping I never need to show my papers to the Man.
Once the Gordian Knot of Microsoft packaging had been cut, I started up Parallels on my Macbook Pro and loaded in the Vista CD. I tells ya, folks…it worked like BUTTA from there. Took a while, sure, but once it was all loaded in, why, I had a fully operational Vista OS working in full-screen mode on my MacBook Pro. Hell, it somehow managed to tie right into my wireless network without me even telling it how to.
In fact…I’m writing this post within Firefox within Vista within Parallels within OS X.
I wonder if this is how transgendered people feel…
I hear they finally added a second button to the Mac mouse (you know, the one with the highly original name “Mighty Mouse”).
Welcome to 1991, Apple!
:P
Of all the criticisms one can level against Apple (too expensive, closed hardware, annoying tendency to solder CPUs to the motherboard), this whole “your mice only have one button!” thing is the strangest.
This is really only an issue if you use a laptop with no periphals. In that case, simply pressing CTRL when clicking creates the same effect as right-clicking on a PC.
However, I presume the vast majority of users do use peripherals. I certainly do. My MacBook Pro drives an external keyboard, a CinemaDisplay and one of these. That would be four buttons…and a scroll wheel to boot. :)
Just wanted to say this is by far one of the most lively and yet informative pieces of cross-platform meta I’ve ever read. I think my favorite was the glass-eyed hooker metaphor.
I’m bookmarking it for the next semi-inane argument I get in with someone about why they don’t, actually, have to tolerate the lowest common denominator of computer design.
(Also, god, those track nub things? SO clitoral. So much I can’t believe they’re not routinely referred to as such. They once totally reduced me and a friend to 12-year-old boys tittering in an aisle at Best Buy — for like 20 minutes.)
I like the “Microsoft Designs the iPod” video, but what makes you think it was actually made by the Microsoft design department?
Jacob:
Here’s the story.
I’ve been a Mac guy since the SE-30, and when I graduate to a MacBook from this ol’ iBook, it’s really doubtful I’ll install Windows. When the need rears its frustrating little noggin, though, I’ll choose the virtual path.
I was going to trumpet about the next OS X (10.5) including a feature called “Boot Camp” which allows Windows (XP or Vista) to be directly installed on an Intel-Mac. No emulation or bridging software required. Dual bootable.
But, some thinking interfered with my comment…
Dual Bootable…. Dual Bootable…?
Need Windows? Power on. Choose Vista. — Uh-Oh! forgot something I need to finish in Final Cut Pro. Shut Down and restart. Choose Mac OS….
Semi-virtual solutions where you don’t leave the Mac OS, like you have with Parallels, seem the better way. ‘Specially when it comes to multitasking. Between OS’s. On the same machine.
Thanks for the advance heads up, Craig.
I bought an iMac about 18 months ago and one of the first things I discovered was that I wasn’t under any obligation to use the mouse that came with the machine.
After spending $4 at Fry’s on an optical USB mouse, I can right click to my heart’s content.
Switching to Windows for Clifford The Big Red Dog Teaches Your Kid How To Read!
Of all the reasons to pick up a windows based machine (terrorists hold your grandmother for ransom/you slip into another dimension where bill gates is overlord/you had a labotomy performed by a blind and fingerless snake charmer) this by far is the most extreme and surreal excuse I’ve ever heard.
I’d have to consult my Mac user’s manual but I’m pretty sure there’s a subsection which deals specifically with this type of “problem” - in this instance one ‘Our Father’ and ten ‘Hail Steve Jobs’ should do.
Heh.
Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that. My accountant uses Quicken Enterprise, which is not available for the Mac, so I need to run that software in a PC environment to review my finances.
Granted, the examples aren’t aplenty, but for the price of Vista (about $280) and Parallels ($90), I get a fully functional Wintel machine for under $400.
You coulda bought a copy of Windows XP from tigerdirect.com for $139. I’m terrified of Vista, personally. I don’t even do those “auto updates” XP keeps prompting me for.
Mac at work, PC & Linux at home. Apple hardware’s just too dear (as in spendy), at least at the top end, for me.
Hardware emulators can be nifty things.
Windows XP running Linux: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pwtenny/189328532/ Even XP running XP: http://www.flickr.com/photos/pwtenny/189328533/
When the host is Linux, there is an add-on for QEMU that makes the guest OS run at near native speed. Can be handy since Final Draft doesn’t work all that well under application emulation, from what I understand.
Whenever I hear the case for owning a Mac, I can’t help but come to the conclusion that Macs are superior to PCs in much the same way that Hoboken is superior to Manhattan.
Oh, I’d really love to hear this.
Don’t let him bait you, Craig. He’s just coming onto you. You know how it starts; an inflamitory analogy, a counter-retort (with acutal facts instead of empty wordplay), and then his come-hither looks, and soon, he’s looking for angry make-up sex in the back alley of a Fred Meyers in his dad’s station wagon. Bad mojo, man.
It’s fairly simple, really. Hoboken will suit most of the living needs of the average person, and Manhattan’s just a short jump away for any needs not fulfilled by Hoboken. In that respect, you don’t really lose anything by living in Hoboken. Where Hoboken really gets the edge is in the fact that, comparatively, nobody lives there and nobody cares about it, so it’s pretty safe from terrorism.
Wow. I apologize. That’s a fairly well thought out comparison. A point for him. One from me.
I used to have a Mac but I could never figure out how to get my toast back out.
Having said that… I’m about to do the same thing because I use Final Cut Pro so much on my G5. There is definitely software out there that I desperately need to use on a daily basis that is only available on Windows and I’ve been contemplating the purchase of a new MacBook Pro but not Vista. Too much big brother looking over your shoulder.
To be honest… I hate Windows and Microsoft so I’m really glad I can now run THEIR software on their competitor’s machine.
Great post!
Unk
“To be honest…I hate Windows and Microsoft so I?m really glad I can now run THEIR software on their competitor?s machine.”
Sorry if I’m imputing any revenge/schadenfreude-type motives that you didn’t actually intend here, but…why would Microsoft care? They don’t make the machines in any case, so whether you’re running your copy of Windows on a Mac or a Dell, it’s the same money in their pocket. (In fact, since Mac users presumably buy their copies of Windows at retail, they might even make a few cents more in that case….)
It seems to me that a (licensed, paid-for) copy of Vista running on every Mac as well as every PC would pretty much complete Microsoft’s plan for world domination.
Not to rain on the celebration, but…well, yeah, to rain on the celebration. Assuming there was one.
That’s a typical communist statement.
[blockquote]Of all the criticisms one can level against Apple (too expensive, closed hardware, annoying tendency to solder CPUs to the motherboard), this whole “your mice only have one button!” thing is the strangest.[/blockquote]
To be honest, I don’t take the whole Mac vs. PC debate all that seriously, although I do fall on the PC side of the fence. I just wanted to join in the fun. :)
I will say that anyone who thinks that Steve Jobs is personally any less “evil” than Bill Gates is deluding himself. He’s just not as powerful.
This Hoboken analogy is interesting. I haven’t been there in a few years — does it still flood all the time?
Steve’s plans for software world domination are limited to… iTunes.
Which is free.
So that makes him no money.
Unless you buy the iPod.
So Stevilness has limits.
Just stoking the fires…
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=macs_cant
I buy an operating system so that it runs all the programs I want to use. I don’t buy programs so I can run my operating system.
Let’s not forget that the operating system is only the means to end. In other words, stop focusing on the finger and look at what world it points to. In still other words, the library of available software should be the first concern when choosing an operating system.
Thomas, that website is hilarious!!!
No, Steve’s ability for software world domination is liminted to iTunes. ;)
But I do agree with his recent comments about the foolishness of the current DRM model.
You nerds better hope no jocks stumble on this site…it could be grizzly, what with the DRM module and the football helmets and the bashing you’re gonna get.
(GO TEAM!)
Parallels does a great job, but if you don’t want to spend the $80 to have Vista or XP on your Mac, take a look at VMware. Same basic setup, but Vmware is free, so you can’t beat the price.
http://www.vmware.com/products/beta/fusion/
I’ve decided my next computer will be a MAC—I’m sick of the crashes and bog of my PC.
I split time between macs and PC’s, definetly more of a PC guy.
The one thing I have never understood about macs/ipods is everyone tells me how great they look, they always reminded me of bad architecture in the 70’s, things we’ll look back at in 15 years and wonder if we were high.
Though just the fact that whenever comparing Wintel machines and Macs, my mac friends always point to looks of machine, looks of OS… Well I find that weird too.
In the end, I imagine Bill Gates is having a good laugh over dual boot macs, basically macs are now turning into wintel machines… Microsoft is a software company, and apple a hardware company.
Craig,
Dude, you’re amazing! Really amazing. Great blog! Very educational. Keep it up man because it shows us who you really are, if you get my message. Kick it back to John Wells! Thumbs Up!
J. F. Lawton