The End...Fade In:
Time for rebirth…Today is my 36th birthday. It’s also Jesus’ rebirthday. No, I’m not comparing myself to Jesus. And yes, I chose the picture because it’s so ridiculous.
I just love the idea of MEGAJESUS, looming over Earth like a hypoglycemic Galactus, pissed off at our stupidity and failure. He’s so angry, the back of his head has exploded outward, forming some awesome new nebula. The moon is this painting’s version of Jackie O., and it’s getting drenched in MegaJ’s cosmic brain splatter.
The tear rolling down The Boss’ cheek? That’s his burgeoning sense of retribution, the volume and pressure of which is so great it has begun leaking in liquid form from his improbably blue Jewish eye.
Just look at his brow. It’s telling you the entire story. That’s the brow of a man who is about to take a bite out of a planet.
But I digress…
I want to talk about endings and beginnings. Those of us who write are plagued and blessed at once by an overexposure to cycles. No, I don’t believe in reincarnation or the divinity of Jesus or some of the hippier notions about how we’re all one with Gaia, etc. I do, however, believe that all human experiences begin, then progress, and then end.
I’m a writer. I’m soaking in that. And because I write, I find myself constantly beginning stories, places, ideas, people, moments…then experiencing them progress…and then watching them end.
And when they end…they end as finally as anything can. I do not know what Keyser Soze did after he got into the car with his lawyer at the end of The Usual Suspects, and I’m pretty sure I never will.
Just like that….(poof)…he’s gone.
All this beginning and ending stuff can start playing with your head. Like mathematicians who started noticing small recursive fractals as compositional blocks of larger recursive fractals, you begin to see the cycles in your own life on multiple levels. There’s breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And then there are multiyear arcs, like movements of a symphony.
Maybe you don’t see this, but I do.
Curiously, my cycles seem to take on four year spans.
I won’t bore you with childhood, but high school was an interesting four years. College…four years. After college, I spent four years trying to make my way toward something I could do as a career…a search for permanency, perhaps.
And I found it.
I spent the next four years establishing myself as a working screenwriter as well as a husband.
I spent the next four years establishing myself as a solo working screenwriter, as well as a father.
And I’ve spent these last four years establishing myself as a…for lack of a better phrase…successful screenwriter.
Ding! Four years are up.
And now?
Last week, I had lunch with a friend. Another writer. I look up to him in a very pure way; there’s no creepy jealousy or competitiveness or resentment to infect my relationship with him. I’m not particularly prone to those things, but I’m not inhuman either—I’m lucky that circumstances are such that I can admire someone as cleanly as I admire this guy.
By the way, he doesn’t blog or comment in here, so don’t bother guessing.
Hint…it’s not Josh Olson.
So anyway, we sat at lunch and this guy lectured me. He actually said, “I want to lecture you about something.” And then he did.
Best
lecture
EVAR.
In fact, it was such a good lecture, it sent me hurtling toward my therapist, but in a good way. What this guy said to me was something I really needed to hear, and I really needed to hear it from him. It was the best compliment I’ve ever received, and almost certainly the scariest too. Good for him. His lecture may very well be the thing that sets the table and defines my next four year cycle.
What I’m saying is that I think I just typed FADE IN: on myself yet again.
“Okay,” you’re saying. “Enough preamble. What was the lecture??????”
Ummm…
…would you mind terribly if I didn’t tell you?
Cuz I’m not.
It’s not for you. It’s for me. It wouldn’t apply to you, and that’s true if you’re a hundred times more successful than I or a 15 year-old desperate for some guidance. This stuff was custom advice (although if you really want a hint…I’ll say this…I doubt I’ll use the language I used to describe the last few cycles when it’s time to describe the next one…)
What I can tell you is that you’re in a cycle right now, whether you like it or not.
Did you know? Do you understand it? Is there a rhythm to it?
Are you at the beginning?
Lost in the desert of your own 2nd act?
Nearing the end (that’s the scary one)?
Do you care?
You don’t have to. Honestly. Most characters are blissfully unaware that they’re in the stories we write, so why should we torture ourselves by getting recursive with the narrative of our own lives? I only dabble with the recursion myself. I’m sure Pirandello would think of me as a self-oblivious dolt.
Still, birthdays tend to do this to me.
And so, I’ll think I’ll give some of you a gift.
This gift is for the struggling. Particularly, it’s for the struggling young. This gift is for the people who have begun the “set out on my own” cycle. Maybe you’re in a new city. You’re trying to make it in a new business. You have no experience. You have no connections.
That was me…beginning of Cycle 3.
I don’t archive much of my life, but there’s one piece of paper I’ve saved all these years. I finally scanned it and laminated it, because it’s so important to me. When I arrived in Los Angeles in July of 1992, all I knew is that before anything good could happen to me, I needed to get a job.
I stood out on the corner of La Cienega and Pico, leafed through a payphone yellowpages (ahhhh, the pre-cell, pre-net days), and started cold-calling temp agencies.
I had a pen, which ran out of ink…and a pencil.
Today, I’m a rich guy with a hot wife and two great kids and a nice house and I do what I love for a living.
But fifteen years ago…
….I was this piece of paper.
Note the boxed note in the top middle. The one where I set a meeting with Louise at The Friedman Agency for 2:30 on Wednesday, July 29, 1992. That’s the meeting that gets me my first couple of temp jobs, one of which becomes a permanent job, which becomes a writing job, which gets me a marketing job at Disney, which leads to my career as a screenwriter.
I’m particularly fond of the question mark floating above it. I have no idea why it’s there, but I love that it’s there.
This paper is not some trophy or something. It’s my reverse Ozymandias. Know what I mean?
Look upon my Beginning, Ye Mighty, and smile!
I’m not saying you’re going to be rich and happy and famous. Honestly. I don’t know what you’re going to be. Drug-addicted hobo isn’t out of the question.
What I’m saying is…treasure your beginnings. That’s where all the fun is. That’s what I’m doing right now. Because I’m beginning a new cycle.
Let’s see where it goes.
…and Mazin slouches toward Bethlehem to be born.
I love reading about you and your cycles. It explains so much.
-
Next September, I’ll probably be on Paris. I have no connexion. But there is a school that works with tv and movie productions. I passed their exam but I have to find a production first which want to work with me at least for 2 years (complicated and specific french contract in order to help students to get a job but it’s hard to explain now). So, that article has been written for me. Then, I keep all the letters from the productions that tell me “we are not interested but good luck anyway”. I know that sounds silly. Why am I doing this ? Why do I keep negative responses ? To hurt myself ? Certainly not. Maybe I’ve found the answer…
Cool - it’ll be interesting to see what plans you come up with for your next career phase.
Craig’s Writopia, Inc.?
I don’t know about everyone else, but I LOVE beginnings like an addict discovering a drug.
It’s 2nd acts where it’s easy to flail, fumble, frustrate, wish you were more skilled or further along the journey - but that’s part of the trip.
One reason I decided to switch careers was because entertainment always offers new beginnings on the same path: the next script, the next gig.
A lot of careers don’t offer that.
Their 2nd Acts last forever, and without many changes in scenery or new characters.
Nice post. Good luck with directing.
Great post … being a buddhist, I’m all about cycles and am presently starting a new one now, myself, both professionally and personally.
so thank you for this.
One question, the fella (or lady) who lectured you … was this person a mentor (had filled that role for you in the past) or someone you admired who took this moment to give you that gift?
Joshua:
You know my feelings about mentors. :)
This was someone who took a moment to express something to me. He won’t have to do anything like that again for me.
For at least the next four years, I guess.
I think the movies directed by successful screenwriters usually turn out pretty damn well. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is one of my recent favorites. I hope that’s what you do next.
Dude, Easter isn’t Jesus’ birthday.
Let me hazard a guess here, based on this and your previous post about being past it at 40. (Well, you are 36, so 40 is pretty damn close. Can you hear those hoof beats in the distance ? It’s time’s winged chariot, and its heading your way…)
Have you bought a powerful motorbike recently, by any chance?. (Even considering it counts as yes). Signed up with a personal trainer?. (Proviso as above). Found yourself paying attention to ‘colour away the grey’ commercials?. Allowed a sales assistant to sell you an expensive, hip, article of clothing which made your wife/children/ total strangers laugh out loud when you wore it?.
Your friend is smart,and recognised a full-blown case of mid-life crisis. And he counselled you to send the bike back . NOW. Just guessing…:)
I almost forgot. Happy Birthday!. And many of them.
Craig:
More importantly, I think it’s really rude of you not to include a picture of your wife. Haas eludes to how hot she is and we’re all left in the dark.
Jerk.
Forgot that as well … Happy birthday, Craig, my father’s birthday was last Saturday, same day as Coppola (Francis, not Sofia).
And I forgot to ask … if he wasn’t a mentor, which I had figured, what SPURRED the lecture you so obviously needed?
What was the trigger, was it something he’d been dying to tell ya for a long time, or just a happenstance of circumstance, he saw ya and said, okay, now it’s time, here it comes …
Sorry for the third degree, but again, I am deep into cycles and patterns and events happening when they need, etc …
I was actually relieved you didn’t share the lecture… I have an elder writer in my life who occasionaly takes it upon himself to give me a swift kick in the ass and I’ve always been deeply grateful for him.
I’m at a new beginning myself, and for the first time I’m finding it incredibly peaceful and calm. Mainly because this is the first time I’ve begun a new cycle with resolute confidence in myself. Not that I don’t have incredible amounts to learn, cause I do. But that’s part of it I guess… I grew up singing songs about that crying dude at the top of your post and know little about budhism. But the concept of “beginner’s mind” is one I’m finding very useful these days.
At any rate, thanks for your post. It’s nice to hear familiar things in other’s words…
Brains:
I said it was his rebirthday. For a guy named Brains…
Joshua:
The trigger? Not sure.
All:
You’re all wrong with your guesses. And yes, I’m directing this year, but I don’t think that’s what’s going to define the next cycle. At least, I hope it’s not. But it might. Never know…
Best wishes with the new cycle!
I really love this idea of cycles. I find it really encouraging. When you start out writing, the end goal feels so far away. But splitting it into 4-year periods makes it seem within reach. I like the idea of setting 4-year goals. Like a 4-year “mission statement” every four years. And everything that you do within those four years works towards the goal of your mission statement.
Craig, thanks for the post. I’m looking forward to reading an update 4 years from now.
Date: 040407 Location: Greenblatt’s Subject: Mazin, Craig Subject: CLASSIFIED
TRANSMISSION: “…Think about it, Maz, you’re 36, bro, in four years you’ll be forty! You wanna write fart jokes and ball-knockers for the rest of your life? C’mon, man, you got the chops… Get your teeth into some serious writing. What ever happned to that (transmission scrambled) project of yours? You not gonna win an Oscar for Scary Movie X, you know? Are you finished with your Kugel..?”
TRANSMISSION ENDS.
With kind permission
-
First of all, I don’t specify what kind of brains I am. Secondly, I think you added the re. Now I think your friend confronted you about making your long-time blog readers look like fools by changing text and then making fun of them. How dare you sir, how dare you…also, you got a shout out on aintitcool today. Congrats or something.
“(although if you really want a hint…I’ll say this…I doubt I’ll use the language I used to describe the last few cycles when it’s time to describe the next one…)”
The language you used to describe the last few few cycles:
“After college, I spent four years trying to make my way toward something I could do as a career…”
“I spent the next four years establishing myself as a working screenwriter”
“I spent the next four years establishing myself as a solo working screenwriter”
“And I’ve spent these last four years establishing myself as a…successful screenwriter”
So let me guess.
The next four years you want to be a good househusband?
They say the odds of a screenwriter successfully making the transition to male stripper are slim, indeed, but you’ll show them that those legs are good for more than hauling your brain around. Good for you.
I’m looking forward to the kitschy picture of Muhammad on the occasion of his death (June 8).
I’m enjoying all the guesses. I’m sure my wife would be thrilled if Anna were right.
Craig:
I know you’re into your Nietzsche and what with all this talk of cycles and organic morphologies; have you read any Oswald Spengler before? especially ‘The Decline of the West’.
One German literature hound to another, I think you should. And thanks for sharing the post with us young underdogs; for my money:
1st. Working Screenwriter 2nd. Solo Screenwriter 3rd. Successful Screenwriter…
4th. Very Successful Screenwriter?
Or maybe it’s less about establishing new goals and more about enjoying what you’ve already got - which sounds like a helluva lot by the way.
Happy Birthday Mister Mazin, all the very best for the year ahead.
Happy Birthday Craig, sounds like you don’t need any gifts, which is a great thing.
Best of luck solving that Middle East problem over the next four years. You really shouldn’t have had the lunch with George, he has really dropped you in it :)
cheers Dave.
Wow.
Rich with a hot wife.
Wow.
Love this post.
I suspect your next cycle will emphasize BEING over establishing/becoming.
Whatever you’ve chosen, happy trails…
I currently sit, shaking in my boots, trying to figure out if quitting my full time perfectly acceptable day job with career prospects in rder to chase my dream as a writer was not, in fact, the most insane thing I’ve ever done.
Thank you for this entry. As I begin my new “cycle” I feel a little less alone.
…now where did I put that napkin with the phone number for the unemployment office on it?
Best
blogging
EVAR.
Happy Birthday, Craig. And carry on.
Happy birthday. Turned 36 myself a couple of months back and am feeling I could use a lecture.
The piece of paper is great. I keep a small metal hook implement, from my days working as a doffer (don’t ask) in a cotton factory, for similar reasons.
Hmm. Now I’ll go off and do some self-examination, see if there are any cycles in my own life. I’m not good at conceptualizing my life in that way but maybe I’ll develop the ability.
By the by, as a struggling young person, it’s hard to treasure your beginnings while you’re still beginning them. I think it’s much easier to treasure them after you’ve reached the middle or the next beginning.
What, no MacTemps?
It’s kinda funny. Last night I started thinking about where I am and where I wanted to go and all that. I moved to California just over 1.5 years ago to get into movies, but sorta missed my mark and wound up in orange county writing for video games. i have lots of creative freedom, and ive loved video games my whole life.
but ive been doing it just over a year now, and i dont think its quite right. at first i thought maybe movies were my pipe dream and games was my ‘in the bag’ career, but now…im getting that hankering for the movies again. im starting to think about dropping this, moving up into LA proper, and trying to get a lowly position on a movie set. the more i think about it, the more i think its time for a new beginning.
maybe i should take this as some sort of sign from the megajesus above…
Craig -
Not only were you standing on the corner where I now reside, but you were apparently dealing with at least two of my former temp agents, Louise at Friedman and Harriett at Right Connections. Can’t say either of them got me work that led to fame and fortune, but you now have me concerned. Are you me in 15 years? Sure, I’ll have the career, wealth, hot wife and kids, but at what cost?
Dear Craig,
You have really shitty handwriting.
I hope you spend the next year working on improving it.
With Moist Love,
Timothy
Dear Craig,
You have really shitty handwriting.
I hope you spend the next cycle working on it.
With Moist Love,
Timothy
Why are my posts repeating with slightly different wordings?
How come my comments are repeating but just a little bit off?
Arthur asked:
Yes, if you’re 21. If not, then no.
Tim:
Sadly, it’s gotten worse.
Two words: Elliott Wave
Big believer in cycles, Craig.
As a weird response to reading THE GREAT GATSBY in high school, I started keeping 1, 3, 5 and ten year plan lists that I ritually update the day before every birthday. Oddly, they’ve actually proven to work pretty well —- though I sure wish I’d had a gutsier imagination circa 1988 when I started doing the darn things.
Hey, I remember “The Right Connections” on La Cienega!
Got me my first “industry” job. Temp at the mailroom at the old MGM in Culver City
I just want to say thanks for taking the time to give us that entry.
Hmmm. I just finished a 4-year cycle, and I’m just at the beginning of a new cycle. What a coincidence to stumble across your blog at this time. By the way, I’m 71.
jesus loves you
jesusholdingearth_world:-)
WWW.COSMIC-PEOPLE.COM WWW.UNIVERSE-PEOPLE.COM
jesusholdingearth_world:-)
WWW.COSMIC-PEOPLE.COM WWW.UNIVERSE-PEOPLE.COM